16 Dec 09 Helping Children After the Loss of Their World
Almost exactly 4 years ago today, we mailed our internet magazine subscribers urgent information about helping children through trauma. The date was September 12, 2001. (To subscribe to that free magazine, The Problem-Kid Problem-Solver, visit http://www.youthchg.com.)
Today is September 7, 2005. A different type of devastation occurred this past week, but its impact on affected children and youth will be similar to that experienced by youngsters directly impacted by 9/11. We have updated the information sent 4 years ago to fit the current tragedy that has resulted from the impact of Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama.
Here is our updated article on working with traumatized children and adolescents. For those of you who are not in the region directly affected by Katrina, you may apply most of this information to other circumstances such as death, fire, earthquake, etc. Also, please remember that some children far outside the devastated region can have strong reactions too. Information on that is covered below.
For those of you who are in Houston or other areas that have opened schools and agencies to shelter and school displaced children, this information is critical for you to have. As a youth worker serving traumatized, displaced children, you have enormous potential to become a safe harbor. Sadly, without expertise in this area, your good intentions might not be enough. There is also the possibility that you might add to their pain or miss chances to temper the sadness. The information provided here can help...
As tough as Hurricane Katrina was for adults, it can be even tougher for children. There is no magic formula for assisting children to cope with events that all of us struggle to understand and manage, but here are some basic "do's" and "don'ts" to help guide you to best aid the young people in your world. SPECIAL POPULATIONS TO NOTICE: 1. Younger Children Younger children, about ages 5-8, can sometimes understand more than they can process. Many children under age 5 or so, may be somewhat spared the full brunt of the impact. The abstract concept of death may somewhat elude them, for example. Children who are a bit older may better understand the death and destruction, but will have little ability to manage the feelings that arise. This age group may be especially expected to have nightmares, somatic complaints, sleeping problems, or more difficulty than normal with both everyday and stressful situations. Do not maintain customary expectations for coping. For example: be more tolerant of somatic complaints and especially avoid comments like "But you can normally be sleep alone!" Provide increased level of nurturing and contact. Most important: assist with coping skills. To do so, make fears concrete and manageable. Example: "It's normal to have trouble sleeping alone after a scary thing happens." Teach the child to limit the time spent thinking about the scary things, and show the child how to distract himself or herself. Encourage youngsters to verbalize concerns. Model that behavior with sentences like "I was scared when I saw the water come in the house." Do not squelch, limit, or negatively react to any verbalizations of fear, anxiety or stress. Instead, emphasize the normalcy of that reaction.
Concrete action is important for younger children who do not always grasp abstract concepts. Action can teach these children that horrible, out-of-control things happen, and while we can't control big things like floods, we can make some little things just a little bit better. For example, have the child help distribute blankets or bottles of water. Doing can give a bit more sense of control than just receiving so use this method with even very small children, adjusting the tasks accordingly.
2. Children Already Stressed Children who were already faced troubling times, may have special difficulty when the world becomes turbulent. These children include kids in crisis, children with mental health problems, drug-affected youth, kids from troubled homes, abused kids and others.
As these children face an array of problems, there is no easy, one-size-fits-all answer to give. However, do increase supervision, be ready for deterioration, monitor that needed medications are available and being taken properly. Be alert for substance abuse and other problematic "coping" methods. Use the strategies noted above for young children, as appropriate. Be especially tuned into thought-disordered and severely depressed youth who so often seriously deteriorate when the world seems far scarier or sadder than usual. Watch for self-harm. Any child who has lived with abuse or other horrible circumstances can be expected to "over-personalize" the situation and "over-react." This means that children who are not directly facing consequences from Katrina may deteriorate too. Be tolerant of these reactions; given the child's pre-existing challenges, these are "normal" reactions during frightening times.
GENERAL DO'S and DON'T'S 1. BE FLEXIBLE: Be willing to put aside scheduled activities to help kids manage the tragedy-- whether it's "your job" or not to do so. You can't learn or do other activities when profoundly worried, frightened or distracted and neither can kids.
2. COMFORT ITEMS: It is critical that displaced children be allowed to cling to items that they have salvaged. It may be all they have left. For example, consider allowing a child to bring a special item to school if the child is refusing to leave it behind. Animals can be almost magic. Do what it takes to avoid tearing apart children and their pets. Consider using therapy dogs, horse rides and other animal contact as possible. Animals may be able to provide solace that words and hugs never will.
3. THE WAY TO GRIEVE: There is no right way to cope with the massive loss Hurricane Katrina survivors have experienced. Have no expectations for the speed of emotional recovery, and be careful about comparisons. Just as some of us are utterly devastated by the flu, others are hardly sickened. There is no one way to be sick and recover. There is no one way to be emotionally devastated and recover. Withdrawing and crying is no better or worse than raging and yelling. Each child will take a different road to recovery. There is no one right path, and no good shortcuts.
4. BE HONEST, BUT CONCISE: Convey information at an age-appropriate level, but keep it brief, and don't unnecessarily add scary details. Don't sugar-coat information; even kindergartners can read vibes. It is okay to tell children that some things just don't make sense; don't feel you have to explain the unexplainable.
5. LIMIT EXPOSURE TO THE DEVASTATION: Be thoughtful about the exposure of affected children and teens to images of the devastation. Young children are especially vulnerable to images. There is no need for children to view photographs of bodies. In addition, be especially thoughtful about their exposure to news of the tragedy near bed time, or when they must concentrate on learning or another task. Become aware of each child's preferences for viewing news footage, but consider curtailing or limiting it.
6. STRIVE FOR EVENTUAL CLOSURE: No one really can make sense out of this massive tragedy, but eventually you may want to help give a sense of closure as best you can. This may mean looking for any good at all that can result, such as the great kindness of Houston in welcoming thousands of refugees. Or, aim for a closure that may be more spiritual, or just the acceptance that time brings. Stress that time normally eases most pain, even this overwhelming pain.
7. BALANCE: Troubled kids often act in ways that are problematic. Accept deterioration without blaming. If you are in or near the affected region, you may have noticed that you've had difficulty just finishing sentences and thoughts. This is normal. If I criticize you for not finishing sentences, that exacerbates the situation, doesn't it? Kids can evidence their distress in similar or much more dramatic ways. Don't give them additional burdens to bear by downgrading them for their deterioration. It doesn't mean that you accept or permit behavior problems such as hitting or kicking, but that you take into consideration the context as you determine your reaction. Teachers: Strike a balance as you place expectations on these devastated children. What could you accomplish after a death, the loss of your home, the loss of your world? Not much. Aim to keep the devastated child in the "realm" of school but without all the customary burdens and responsibilities. Gradually add those back as the child can function.
About the author: Ruth Herman Wells is the director of Youth Change Workshops. You can see hundreds of Ruth's creative strategies for troubled on problem kids on the Youth Change web site, http://www.youthchg.com. Ruth is the author of more than 20 books including the popular All the Best Answers for the Worst Kid Problems series. She trains thousands of youth professionals annually.
